Hi Everyone! I missed you!
Life got very crazy
over the past few months and I also realized that trying to blog on a consistent
basis is actually very hard, especially now that the holidays are upon us.
I’ll be updating you
guys on what month I’m in now, some belly pics, ultrasound pics and some other
random thoughts very soon. In fact, this is one blog of two that I have done,
so watch out for the next one in a couple of days. I like to space them out to
give people time to read and do some last minute edits and whatnot.
So now that my husband
and I have our own living space and my laptop has mostly stopped being a pain
in the ass, I present you with: Stuff that People Say to Pregnant Women
that Really Honks Me Off.
I can’t be the only
pregnant woman who thinks these things when they are said to me, I just can’t
be. I did take a poll of sorts and asked people to contribute, which they did
super thank you, but I also realize that there are MANY, MANY more things that
could or have been said. If you’d like to share them in the comment section or
send them to me, I can put them in another blog, like a part 2 of sorts. I’m
sure we could come up with enough for a Part 5 or 6 at least, but you know.
This is at least what I have heard said to others or myself, and you can chalk it up to hormones if you'd like, but seriously try to put yourself in our shoes and imagine someone saying these things to you. Seriously.
They are not in any
particular order; it was just as I was thinking of them or as they were sent to
me as I worked on this blog, in case you were wondering.
“If you think this is bad, wait until you go
into labor.”
What
you end up saying in response: Oh, no! *pretends to
look horrified and shocked*
What
you would like to say:Yeah, thanks for the update there.
You want to share details? No thanks, I really don’t want to hear it.
“I
heard that you might end up peeing and pooping on the delivery table. (Horrified) Isn’t that awful?!?”
What
you end up saying in response: *pretends to look
horrified as well* You’re KIDDING ME?!?
What
you would like to say: Well considering you’re pushing a
baby out of your body and your body isn’t able to differentiate between baby
and placenta and poop; I’ve made peace with it. And I’m going to be in so much
pain, supposedly, that I could probably give two shits, pun intended, if I poop
the table, like they haven’t seen that before anyway. Just sayin’.
“Well,
it doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or girl, as long as it’s healthy.”
What
you end up saying in response: Yeah, you’re right.
Healthy is best.
What
you’d like to say: What the fuck does that mean? It doesn’t
even make sense because the two statements aren’t really related. I never
understood this sentence. It’s not like healthy is a gender choice. I’m just
saying.
“Don’t
you think you’ve had enough to eat already? You’re not really eating for two,
you know.”
What
you end up saying in response: Well, actually I am
according to my doctor. Just following doctor’s orders and my weight gain has
been appropriate.
What
you would like to say: I’m hungry. Fuck off.
“You’re
20 weeks? You’re halfway there and it only gets worse from here.”
What
you end up saying in response: Oh, I know, it’s been
rough, but here comes the hard part!
What
you would like to say: Thanks, that’s great to hear and
makes me feel so much better about the whole process. Thanks for enlightening
me.
“I
don’t understand why you have all these symptoms. I never had any symptoms when
I was pregnant, the things they come up with nowadays.”
What
you end up saying in response: Well, everyone’s
pregnancy is different and mine just happens to be like this, but it will be
alright, it’s not so bad.
What
you would like to say: ………………………. *smacks person in the
face*
“Oh,
you’re so lucky it’s so early in your pregnancy, at least you’re not 8 months
pregnant in (insert season person would hate to be pregnant during here).”
What
you end up saying in response: Yeah, I guess I just
lucked out this time! haha!
What
you would like to say: Does it really matter what season I
am pregnant in? Wouldn’t I just hit all of them at some point since humans are
pregnant for technically 10 months anyway and a whole year is 12 months? What
season would I miss exactly? And how do you know I wouldn’t enjoy being
pregnant during the summertime, maybe I like being really warm instead of
freezing my ass off in the winter.
“How
can you be working full time in your condition? (as if pregnancy is a disease)”
What
you end up saying in response: I know, but you do what
you gotta do, right?
What
you would like to say: *looks at them like they are an
idiot and then says* What do you mean, my condition? It’s not like I have the
Plague and am going to die, okay? It’s a natural part of life and you can
continue to have a life as you progress through your “condition” So I can’t
lift heavy stuff, I don’t like lifting heavy things anyway! Who does, really?
That’s the ONLY thing I can’t do, by the way.
“Are you sure you're only______ months?”
What
you end up saying in response: Yeah, me and baby are
sure packing on those pounds, haha!
What
you would like to say: I think you just accidentally called
me fat. Nice one. If it’s any consolation, it was the nicest way to say it
possible.
“Enjoy
your sleep now, because when the baby comes you won't get any!”
What
you end up saying in response: Well, I will be sure to
do that!
What
you would like to say: For me, this is my number one I
really hate hearing this said to me repeatedly and let me tell you why. It’s
because once you hit about 7 or 8 months, you have a hard time sleeping again
like you most likely did in the first trimester because you are huge as a house
and you go ahead and try to turn over in your bed without feeling like you are
pulling apart your pelvic bone and tissue down there, I dare you. The Get All The
Sleep You Can Boat has sailed already okay, and I don’t need reminding that I sleep
like shit and will continue to sleep like shit until the kid is 18, okay?
If
you don’t mind me asking, what’s the baby’s name? (You tell them) Oh…how nice!
What
you say in response: Yeah, it’s a little different, but I’m
sure he/she will love it!
What
you really want to say: Didn’t see that coming, right? Don’t like it, huh? Tough shit. Nice face
you made there, by the way.
*Rolls Eyes and Pauses*
