Stuff that People Say to Pregnant Women that Really Honks Me Off

Hi Everyone! I missed you!

Life got very crazy over the past few months and I also realized that trying to blog on a consistent basis is actually very hard, especially now that the holidays are upon us.

I’ll be updating you guys on what month I’m in now, some belly pics, ultrasound pics and some other random thoughts very soon. In fact, this is one blog of two that I have done, so watch out for the next one in a couple of days. I like to space them out to give people time to read and do some last minute edits and whatnot.

So now that my husband and I have our own living space and my laptop has mostly stopped being a pain in the ass, I present you with: Stuff that People Say to Pregnant Women that Really Honks Me Off.

I can’t be the only pregnant woman who thinks these things when they are said to me, I just can’t be. I did take a poll of sorts and asked people to contribute, which they did super thank you, but I also realize that there are MANY, MANY more things that could or have been said. If you’d like to share them in the comment section or send them to me, I can put them in another blog, like a part 2 of sorts. I’m sure we could come up with enough for a Part 5 or 6 at least, but you know. This is at least what I have heard said to others or myself, and you can chalk it up to hormones if you'd like, but seriously try to put yourself in our shoes and imagine someone saying these things to you. Seriously.

They are not in any particular order; it was just as I was thinking of them or as they were sent to me as I worked on this blog, in case you were wondering.

“If you think this is bad, wait until you go into labor.”

What you end up saying in response: Oh, no! *pretends to look horrified and shocked*

What you would like to say:Yeah, thanks for the update there. You want to share details? No thanks, I really don’t want to hear it.

“I heard that you might end up peeing and pooping on the delivery table. (Horrified) Isn’t that awful?!?”

What you end up saying in response: *pretends to look horrified as well* You’re KIDDING ME?!?

What you would like to say: Well considering you’re pushing a baby out of your body and your body isn’t able to differentiate between baby and placenta and poop; I’ve made peace with it. And I’m going to be in so much pain, supposedly, that I could probably give two shits, pun intended, if I poop the table, like they haven’t seen that before anyway. Just sayin’.

“Well, it doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or girl, as long as it’s healthy.”

What you end up saying in response: Yeah, you’re right. Healthy is best.

What you’d like to say: What the fuck does that mean? It doesn’t even make sense because the two statements aren’t really related. I never understood this sentence. It’s not like healthy is a gender choice. I’m just saying.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough to eat already? You’re not really eating for two, you know.”

What you end up saying in response: Well, actually I am according to my doctor. Just following doctor’s orders and my weight gain has been appropriate.

What you would like to say: I’m hungry. Fuck off.

“You’re 20 weeks? You’re halfway there and it only gets worse from here.”

What you end up saying in response: Oh, I know, it’s been rough, but here comes the hard part!

What you would like to say: Thanks, that’s great to hear and makes me feel so much better about the whole process. Thanks for enlightening me.

“I don’t understand why you have all these symptoms. I never had any symptoms when I was pregnant, the things they come up with nowadays.”

What you end up saying in response: Well, everyone’s pregnancy is different and mine just happens to be like this, but it will be alright, it’s not so bad.

What you would like to say: ………………………. *smacks person in the face*

“Oh, you’re so lucky it’s so early in your pregnancy, at least you’re not 8 months pregnant in (insert season person would hate to be pregnant during here).”

What you end up saying in response: Yeah, I guess I just lucked out this time! haha!

What you would like to say: Does it really matter what season I am pregnant in? Wouldn’t I just hit all of them at some point since humans are pregnant for technically 10 months anyway and a whole year is 12 months? What season would I miss exactly? And how do you know I wouldn’t enjoy being pregnant during the summertime, maybe I like being really warm instead of freezing my ass off in the winter.

“How can you be working full time in your condition? (as if pregnancy is a disease)”

What you end up saying in response: I know, but you do what you gotta do, right?

What you would like to say: *looks at them like they are an idiot and then says* What do you mean, my condition? It’s not like I have the Plague and am going to die, okay? It’s a natural part of life and you can continue to have a life as you progress through your “condition” So I can’t lift heavy stuff, I don’t like lifting heavy things anyway! Who does, really? That’s the ONLY thing I can’t do, by the way. 

“Are you sure you're only______ months?”

What you end up saying in response: Yeah, me and baby are sure packing on those pounds, haha!

What you would like to say: I think you just accidentally called me fat. Nice one. If it’s any consolation, it was the nicest way to say it possible.

“Enjoy your sleep now, because when the baby comes you won't get any!”

What you end up saying in response: Well, I will be sure to do that!

What you would like to say: For me, this is my number one I really hate hearing this said to me repeatedly and let me tell you why. It’s because once you hit about 7 or 8 months, you have a hard time sleeping again like you most likely did in the first trimester because you are huge as a house and you go ahead and try to turn over in your bed without feeling like you are pulling apart your pelvic bone and tissue down there, I dare you. The Get All The Sleep You Can Boat has sailed already okay, and I don’t need reminding that I sleep like shit and will continue to sleep like shit until the kid is 18, okay?

If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the baby’s name? (You tell them) Oh…how nice!

What you say in response: Yeah, it’s a little different, but I’m sure he/she will love it!

What you really want to say: Didn’t see that coming, right? Don’t like it, huh? Tough shit. Nice face you made there, by the way.

*Rolls Eyes and Pauses*